//I shouldn't have done it. I should not be doing it. I can't stand the fact that I'm too soft-hearted at times. To the point that I actually allow people to step over my head. Sometimes, being kind is my poison...//

Today, I'm happy! Hahaha! It's got something to do with 2 cups of tea. Caffeine makes me high...

And while I'm high, I thought I'll update my blog. So here it goes:

Today, I went to school with Carlene. The GO people are just getting worse, I...I'm speechless.I shan't badmouth them and neither shall I pinpoint but ain't it obvious who I'm refering to? Glad I'm out of school because then, I don't have to face their attitude everyday.And being with the GO people, well, suddenly my sucking up skills have improved tremendously.

Politeness goes a long way. Can't they understand that?

Of course, with politeness comes sincerity...but I think that would be a different story altogether. Sometimes when I am polite, I become too formal and hence, too cold. But of course, some people managed to be polite and at the same time, warm. Take Mdm Su and Mrs Koh for example!

Anyway, I have changed my mind. I would like to be a mother. Scrap off that pregnancy part, perhaps I shall adopt a child? In fact, I wish I could adopt a child now...as in a sibling. After the tsunami, there are so many children that have suddenly become orphans.And since I'm so free now, instead of putting my attention in computer, tv and...my hamster, why not a human being?My own sister's getting older and I've seen how my younger cousins grow up and look up to me. Sometimes, it scares me to know that I am their role model because then, I have to be perfect. Well, I strive for perfection since...a long time ago.

But I would like to turn my attention and affection to someone else. Someone I can nurture and I can spend time working on...someone I have to crack open to understand...someone I can prode and test for their reaction...someone that can surprise and amuse me...I need a challenge of some sort. My mum suggested helping my primary one cousin- Fabian. But that's not a challenge, I know what kind of person Fabian is. What fun would that be?

I absolutely enjoy being the eldest in the household. Though yes, there are a lot of responsibilities to bear, and yes there's always that constant duty to protect my sibling but I've always enjoyed the authority. With authority, comes (usually) respect. Granted, there are times when I wish I had someone to look up to as well as someone that I can follow in and who would look out for me but after a while, I guess I prefer to path my own way for others to follow. I enjoy being a role model. Perhaps it is due to the attention, the respect, the expectations and responsibilites I get.

When I have nothing to do, I feel useless.

Hence, I need to have something to do.

Well, I guess currently I can have my attention to my hamster, got to shower it with more love.